From The Pro Shop
By Robert Bicknell
PGA Professional

I don’t know about you, but in my never humble opinion, the third round of the British Open might just qualify as the most painful round of golf ever televised, even surpassing the spectacular collapse of Jean Van De Velde in 1999. At first, I was amused, then hysterical…then it got too painful to watch, so I went upstairs to bed.

Let’s be honest here for a moment, who would’ve thought that the best players in the world would struggle to break 80? What kept me snickering into my head cover was not that Tiger Woods was having the worst day of his life, but rather that ESPN kept showing those idiotic "Tiger Woods, a Pillar of ESPN" ads…then they’d rejoin the tournament and show poor Tiger on the edge of a complete nervous breakdown.

My personal belief is that the golf Gods looked down at the leaderboard, saw that Ernie Els shot a mockingly simple 29 on the front nine the day before and realised that there were far too many people under par…so they decided to turn the world upside down just to make things interesting.

However, you have to give the Big Bag Boys credit because they gave a very respectable showing in the fourth round. Tiger Woods demonstrated why he is the best in the world by shooting 81 on the third day, and then rebounding with 65 the next day.

Even the final results were anything but certain.

My wife thought that Ernie Els had it locked up with three holes to play, but I reminded her that in major championships anything can happen…and usually does.

And it did.

I think that the hardest task in golf is to remain calm enough to knock the ball down the centre of the fairway when you absolutely must. Three-foot knee-knocker putts to remain in the tournament will also let the world see what kind of stuff you’re made of. Throw in some play-off holes, then sudden death and you have the makings of a top-of-the-line pressure cooker.

I often cite the USGA credo: "We’re not trying to humiliate the best players in the world, we’re trying to identify them" when discussing major tournaments and I’d have to admit that this year’s British Open Championship did exactly that.

However, when the top players in the world are reduced to hitting irons off the tees, you know that something is amiss...and anyone who complains about the undulations and speed of VGCC’s East Course greens should take a quick visit to Muirfield. I won’t even mention the three-foot high rough, which was downright evil.

At one time, it seemed that 90 per cent of the players were flagging down taxis…arms waving both right and left, but in reality, they were indicating yet another wayward ball flight. I have to give the course marshals credit for being able to find the balls in that three-foot high cabbage.

Look, everyone knows that US Open courses are demon-spawned, but it appears that the R&A views that as a challenge, a friendly feud between cousins across the pond as it were…so lately, they’ve been setting up their courses to murder people too. After the debacle at Carnoustie, I thought that tournament course set-ups couldn’t get any more ridiculous…but I was obviously wrong.

Weather conditions can turn even the most player-friendly golf course into a snarling dragon and Muirfield is a very challenging lay-out even in calm conditions, so the third round train-wreck is fully understandable…especially when the event is held in Scotland where the golf Gods seem to reside and take a rather dim view of 400cc titanium-headed clubs.

On the other hand, the governing bodies really don’t have a choice if they want to identify who the best of the best really are, thanks to the oversized drivers and supercharged golf balls, which have become the norm rather than the exception nowadays. The USGA and the R&A more than likely want to put a premium on accuracy and shot-making instead of 340-yard drives and wedge approaches…which is reasonable.

However, there must be a better way because if the wind kicks up like it did on the third day, there ain’t nobody on the planet who can hit a 35-yard-wide fairway consistently.

Don’t get me wrong, I love golf under windy conditions, provided there’s no damn Yucca on the course, but the course has to be set up to take extreme weather into account. Golf is supposed to be the fairest game in the world, hence different tee boxes for different skill levels and the handicap system, but super-narrow fairways and knee-high rough coupled with gale force winds is not a fair test of golf.

It might be time to honestly consider dual equipment standards…one for amateurs and a more limited one for Tour professionals. If we can take the 450cc titanium heads and supercharged balls away from the pros, perhaps we’ll see results based on creative shot-making again…just like the old days.

It’s worth a shot.

One nice thing which has returned to golf is the custom of removing your hat when shaking hands at the end of the game. Those same players also realise that it’s the height of bad taste to wear their hats inside the Clubhouse restaurant. Unfortunately, here in Asia, some players do that and other more distasteful things, such as the horrible habit of taking off their shoes and putting their bare feet all over the place.

Which naturally prompts immediate complaints from the other members.

Equally disgusting habits include using the Jacuzzi without showering first, and my favourite complaint is that "people are using the hand-held hair-driers to dry parts of their anatomy which the dryer was not suited for."

Would it be too much to ask for players to employ a little sense of decorum once and a while?