... and a partridge on a Par three...

The Christmas party here at Viet Nam News is in full swing, except for me as I'm chained to this word processor until this column gets finished... with my luck all the free booze will be gone...

Yes, it's that time of year again. Let's see what Santa Claus should have brought to all you good (and not-so-good) little golfers...

Jeff Puchalski (golf pro) a pair of rocket-powered roller skates so that he can get back and forth between Da Lat Palace and Ocean Dunes more easily.

Jay Fuss (golf pro - Song Be): a new PGA manual: "101 tournaments nobody's never heard of to surprise and amuse your members."

Gopal Krishnan (golf pro - Lang Ha Driving Range): a copy of Ben Crenshaw's "How to make 3-foot putts with your eyes open."

Reino Juusela (Finnish Golf Tournament chairman): a 75-inch, Moon-Launchalloy-shafted driver, with the Double Whopper (no pickles)-sized StarshipTitanium head, so he can go "where no-man-has-gone-before," and 50 litres of Hernekeitto to power it.

Ian Fleming (ops mgr - Kings Island): Since he's in the sand so much Santa brought him the only logical gift possible - a camel who answers to the name of "Bond", and a package of Titless MI-6 golf balls (with the built-in homing device)... number 007, naturally.

Joshua Quinn (F&B mgr Kings Island): a new grip, a new golf swing, a copy of Australian Grammar Rules, and a cookbook - "101 ways to wok your dog."

Eli Mariano (Pinoy International Golf Club) a book: "Selected Adjectives for the Golf Course" to help him expand beyond "AUGH!" (Note: it's the Pinoy edition - all the F's and P's are reversed).

Dung, Hung & Que (Kings Island's Starters and Caddiemasters): a whip and a chair for Sunday mornings, and industrial-size bottles of Valium.

Ted Johns (former GM of Thu Duc, now in Bali): a case of 333 and a bottle of Nuoc Mam.

Pete Peterson (US Ambassador): A note excusing him from work for one day... (Now can we play golf??).

Bradley LaLonde (GM Citibank): A defaulted loan of one dozen Titless "Citibank" golf balls, and a new optic-pink golf cap.

All caddies in Viet Nam: copies of the manual "How to repair pitch marks on the green without exerting yourself."

Nguyen Thi Thu Eagle-eyes (my caddie): A seeing-eye dog, a white cane, a new sandbag and a copy of the putting-line bible "Balls always roll downhill."

To the old pro who once bet me that I'd end up like this (in some foreign country writing golf articles and missing putts): One US dollar, you won.

The Gamma Golf Tour: an IOU for better coverage next year - you did a great job!

As for moi, Santa Claus was especially generous: a copy of Dave Peltz' book "Stop Putting like Stevie Wonder in Three Easy Lessons" (the Braille version), and return of the 10,000 balls he sacrificed to the water gods trying to drive the 5^th green at Kings Island. Oh yes, one other gift - a "Jackass U" sweatshirt. 

To all the golfers who I've had the pleasure of meeting during the last six years here in Viet Nam, and to those who I've yet to have the privilege... a Merry Christmas and a better New Year!

Ok... that's done ...TO THE BAR!

Jeff Puchalski tells me that it seems like everybody and their brother will be either at Da Lat or Ocean Dunes during Christmas and New Year's as the hotels there are selling out fast. That said, better make your reservations now if you're planning on a holiday getaway.

Also, get your reservations in for the Hi-Lo tournament which tees off at Ocean Dunes on January 3^rd. Hmmm, maybe they should call it the Hangover Open...?